[B032] - Why Breakups Hurt Like Broken Bones: The Science of Social Pain

Introduction

Ever been told to "get over it" after a breakup or falling out with a friend? For young adults navigating relationships and social life, those moments don’t just sting emotionally—they can feel physically painful. But what if your brain is treating that heartbreak or rejection like a genuine physical injury? This research uncovers how social pain is more than just a metaphor—it’s real, and your brain can’t always tell the difference.

Heartbreak and physical pain

What the Research Shows

This study pulls together years of scientific findings to explore how the brain reacts to emotional pain—like rejection, exclusion, or grief—in much the same way it processes physical pain. Here's what the research reveals:

• Your brain feels rejection like physical pain. Brain scans show that when someone is excluded or rejected, the same areas light up as when they’re physically hurt—specifically the parts of the brain that register distress.

• Painkillers may dull emotional pain too. Taking acetaminophen (better known as Tylenol) not only reduces physical aches but has also been shown to reduce feelings of emotional hurt and the brain’s pain-related activity. It's like easing a headache—but for a heartache.

• Some people are wired to feel rejection more strongly. A tiny difference in your DNA—specifically something called the OPRM1 G allele—can make you more sensitive to both physical pain and emotional pain. People with this gene variant tend to feel more deeply hurt by rejection or social exclusion.

• Strong relationships are like emotional painkillers. Holding the hand of someone you love or seeing a supportive message can ease both physical and emotional pain.

• Childhood rejection may show up as adult pain. People who experience social trauma or exclusion early in life may have higher sensitivity to physical pain as adults.

• Inflammation affects your feelings too. When your body is fighting off illness (inflammation), your brain becomes more sensitive to feelings of loneliness or exclusion—showing just how intertwined your immune system and emotions are.

  
  

Facts About the Study

• Author: Naomi I. Eisenberger, Ph.D., UCLA Department of Psychology

• Published in: Annual Review of Psychology, 2015

• Type of study: A review of multiple scientific studies (animal studies, brain scans, genetics, pharmacology)

• Who it's based on: A mix of human participants (in lab settings like social exclusion games or memory recall) and animal models (like infant monkeys and rodents)

• Why it matters: It helps explain why emotional pain feels so real—and how understanding it can help us support ourselves and others better

  
  

Study Limitations

• Not one single experiment: This is a summary of many studies, so results depend on the quality of all those individual studies.

• No one-size-fits-all answer: People experience pain differently, and this research doesn’t mean that everyone feels emotional pain the same way.

• Ongoing debates: Some scientists think the brain activity seen in these studies may reflect attention or surprise (called "salience") rather than pain itself.

  
  

Research to Action

Here are some easy ways to apply this research to everyday life:

✅ Don’t minimize emotional pain. Your brain doesn’t—so give yourself the same care for heartbreak as you would for a physical injury.

✅ Build up your support system. A friend, partner, or even a pet can provide powerful protection against emotional pain.

✅ Talk kindly to yourself. Self-compassion can help reduce the sting of social pain and support emotional recovery.

✅ Be there for others. Knowing how real emotional pain is, offer support to someone going through a breakup, loss, or exclusion.

✅ Use tools that work for you. Whether it’s calling a friend, journaling, or mindfulness, build a “first-aid kit” for your emotional wellbeing.

Boost Summary

Being excluded or heartbroken doesn’t just feel like pain—it is pain, processed by your brain in much the same way as physical injury. That means taking emotional hurt seriously isn’t dramatic—it’s smart. The more connected and compassionate we are—to ourselves and each other—the stronger and healthier we’ll be.

💡 Boost tip: Text someone you care about today, or reach out if you’re feeling low. Even small moments of connection make a big difference to your brain and wellbeing.

Referencing

Eisenberger, N. I. (2015). Social pain and the brain: Controversies, questions, and where to go from here. Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 601–629. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115146

PMID: 25251482